One of the songs from my album is called "Anxious Heart". If you know me, you've probably heard the story of how this song came into my life, but I'll tell it here again, with a little more clarity.
I went through a really hard time of fear in my life. My son was about 6 months old and, like any new mom, I already had the intense feeling of needing to protect him - and then things started happening around the world that shook me to my core. I spent what felt like a lifetime, but was really about a year, maybe a little longer, in crippling fear. There was a point where every time I would go out of the house I would get dizzy and my vision would become blurry. That time in my life was both the worst and very best experiences I've ever had.
I talked with so many people about my fear and, what I realized later was incredible anxiousness. My mom, my family, my pastors, friends, my husband.... nothing quelled my anxiousness.
Anxiousness; I didn't even really know what the actual definition was. I knew it meant to feel uncomfortable & worried but......well, let's look it up:
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So, to feel uneasy & apprehensive about an uncertain event or matter. That described me to a tee. I was so uneasy all of the time that it started to feel like I was just afraid of anything that would make me afraid. Fear of fear.... now that is a black hole that is NOT easy to climb out of.
But, because of the One Who is my ever present help in times of need, I learned that I did not have to fear no matter what was happening around me.
I started reading my Bible, (on a regular basis not just "Oh I need you God, please let this random verse that I flip to be the one I need....") and I started taking notes. I started in Genesis and would jot down what I was reading (or else I wouldn't comprehend) and then, at the end of each part I read, I would draw a star & write "what I learned". That was essential to me, to gather a point at the end of each reading - to really stick it in my mind. And you know what I learned? When I look back at my journal from that time, when I read over the, often tear-stained pages of that fear-ridden time of my life, I see the star I had drawn on my page and, below the words: "what did I learn?" I read: "God was faithful to His people".
That was it. Close the book. I might as well stop writing now. That was the point. God was (and is, and always will be) faithful to His people. Through all the stories, through the journeys, the losses, the hardships AND the joys....God. was. faithful.
Amen!! .....But that's not where my story ends... No, it is drenched with more of God's love and never-ending faithfulness.
The phrase you see written on that picture above is a lyric from a song on my recently released album. "Oh anxious heart...wait on the Lord".
That lyric has so many meanings to so many different people, and to hear the stories of how that song has touched people's lives makes my day every time I hear one.
That song changed things for me, one day, too.
In the midst of my learning to lean on God and let HIM lead... I came in contact with my, now dear friend, Gordon Mote. You all know the story so I won't bore you with the details but, he ended up producing my first CD. I know God led me to Gordon, to Nashville and to this CD project so that I could share stories like this of His love, His faithfulness.... so that I could let others see that though sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning!
While Gordon & I were choosing songs, the only criteria I gave him was that I wanted to really connect with the songs we chose. I wanted, that if they didn't come from my pen & hand - that I would have wished they did.
One afternoon I had said to my mom (who is basically my confidante in life...love her to the moon) that I wished there were a song for those who were like me. People who needed comfort from the feeling of anxiousness & fear. Not just "don't be afraid" but...something more. Something that would sink in a little deeper and stay a little longer in their soul. Some comforting, true words that people who are scared could find hope in.
Fast forward to the next afternoon when I get an email from Gordon titled "another song" with text saying "Good morning! I came across another tune that I think you will really like. Check it out" and below, I saw a song file titled "Anxious Heart".
For the first time in a long time, my heart felt happy, fluttery anxiousness! I clicked on it & waited for it to load..... and then.... well...and then I was reminded of my Lord's faithfulness. I just couldn't believe I was listening to a song that felt like it had been written for me in my very time of need.
I heard the lyrics of the demo track:
"O anxious heart, wait on the Lord
Be still and know that He is God,
O anxious heart.
When the wind & waves come against your faith,
don't be afraid,
for even the mighty tempest, when He speaks, must obey
O anxious heart".
There wasn't anything I could do but replay the song over and over as I emailed Gordon a mile-long thank you for finding this song.
So......moral of this (very long, apologies for that) story?
God is faithful.
God will be faithful.
Even if you don't see it now....trust that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
God will be faithful to you. All you have to do is keep trusting that one fact. Trust that He will see you through. There may be a time where it doesn't seem possible - and I can say so because I've been there. But it is possible, everything...anything is possible with God. So, trust Him. He's got you in His hands, and that's the safest place you could ever want to be.
